Happy Birthday Brent: Protecting our Marriage

Disclaimer: I started this post a year and a half ago and I never found a good time to post it because I didn't want to "show off" our marriage. Our marriage is not perfect so I didn't want to feel hypocritical. But really, the blog is the best way I'm journaling right now and so I want my kids to know these things. I decided Brent's birthday was a good time to get it out and finish it up to document here what a sweetheart he is and how we uphold our marriage. Then I went and found some old pictures so it feels extra sentimental. 

I feel like we keep hearing of people our age getting divorced, and it is making my heart hurt. Ask Brent, I've been thinking A LOT about marriage, and what we can do to keep our marriage not only alive, but thriving. The thing that keeps coming to my mind is the best marriage advice we received on our wedding day. It came from Elder Robbins, who sealed us, and he was obviously inspired to tell us what we needed to hear.

"You cannot fall out of kindness." 

Elder Robbins told us that in the scriptures when it describes what love is, it uses verbs- actions. Love is about being kind to one another, and you cannot fall out of kindness.

When I think about when Brent and I are the happiest, it is when we are being kind to one another. I am so grateful for Brent, who shows me kindness every day. A few examples:

When I was pregnant with Coen I failed my 1-hour glucose test and had to go back to do a 3-hour glucose test. I was really dreading it because you have to do it fasting and I was so nervous about throwing up there, or just feeling sick waiting in the doctor's office for three hours. To help me, Brent got out his portable dvd player and put in a comedy that would make me laugh. Then he drove me to the doctor's office and sat with me for the first little while to make sure I was ok. Because of him, it actually turned out to be a pretty fun day. So often when I'm worried or stressed, Brent not only calms me, but he shows me that life is meant to be enjoyed.

One day I came home from taking the kids to play group and Brent left me a hand-written love note with flowers that he had picked from our garden. I had been feeling kind of bleh- sad, bored, moody, etc, and this small act of kindness made a huge impact, especially when I didn't feel I was being especially lovable.

I got the stomach flu and by the evening I was worn out. Brent let me lay in his lap while he tickled my back because he knows how much that comforts me.

If the kids get up too early in the morning, Brent will get up with them and let me sleep. He never rubs it in my face or complains.

When I was pregnant with Ava I was working full-time, so I was extra tired. After dinner, Brent would insist on doing the dishes each night. After I had Ava, I thought that would stop, but even now, Brent will say to me after dinner, "will you do me a favor?" I will pretend like I have no idea what he's asking for as I stall and load as many dishes as I can. Then he will say, "stop touching the dishes, go sit down!" Every night.

Whenever I want to do something fun for myself, Brent is happy to watch the kids, no questions asked. He always tells me to take my time and stay as long as I want.

Brent regularly tells me I'm beautiful.

We all know how much Brent hates stinky dirty things, so the fact that he often tells me he'll change a poopy diaper even though it's my turn, is extremely kind.

Brent was at school having a busy day with all of his homework but he walked through the rain to the urgent care where I was at in order to "rescue me" and take the kids so I could relax a little at the urgent care.

Happy birthday Brent. Thanks for being so kind. To finish up, here's one of my favorite videos of us together: